"Where should we begin?” That is a question I often hear when I meet with a new couple. It is indeed a good question. Should they begin telling me about the “good ol’ days” when they were in love and absolutely sure that nothing would ever set them apart? [...]
If you discover that your partner is having an affair, does it mean that the relationship is over? For many couples, the belief is that discovering an affair means the relationship is over. However, it depends on the reasons for the affair, and the current communication style within the [...]
Relationships evoke some of our deepest longings and needs, such as wanting to feel loved, wanting to feel appreciated, wanting to feel safe. Nobody goes into a relationship looking for a fight. We want love, we want someone who values us, we want safety and a partner we can [...]
PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy) is a type of couples therapy that quickly gets to the heart of what’s happening with conflict and tension in your relationship. What is PACT? Imagine an issue you have with your partner. You are so darn MAD about it and you don’t even [...]
We usually think that couples break up when they have too much conflict. But being 'conflict-avoidant' could be just as damaging. If you’re not fighting with your partner you might be in trouble. Most people think that not fighting is a good thing. After all, who actually wants to have [...]
In order to maintain a healthy long-term sexual relationship, you need to be able to effectively navigate conflict. Do you find yourself mistaking sex for intimacy? Have you fallen in love with someone you hardly know but have fantastic sex with? Do you find yourself using sex to resolve arguments [...]
Ideally, a good, productive argument leaves both parties feeling more understood and closer. If you’re in a relationship and you have a pulse, you’re going to have disagreements with your partner. It’s inevitable. And, in my opinion, it is perfectly healthy to disagree, and even argue, with your partner as [...]
Our emotions are a result of our interpretations of a situation, not the situation itself. Jack and Betty come to their second couples counseling session obviously tense. "So what happened?" I ask. Jack sighs and Betty says, "You were so mean to me last night! You were angry and raised [...]
An emotional affair, even without sex, can be just as detrimental to your relationship’s safety and future. The foundation of a successful partnership is trust—and a betrayal of that trust can derail even the closest relationship. While such betrayals often come in the form of physical affairs, an emotional [...]
Emotions that function to defend or fight against a perceived threat sabotage productive communication. So, who's to really blame when you fight? Ever had the experience of being in the middle of a fight with your partner, hearing the strong words coming out of your mouth, and suddenly not [...]
Once you can begin to recognize your stress behavior, you can begin to change it. Let’s face it—many of us are stressed. And when we’re triggered by a stressful event, we often take it out on the ones we love, making stress the probable cause of many of our [...]
Many couples believe their arguments never get resolved because one partner seems to find the confrontation easy while the other wants to avoid it. “We just can’t communicate!” is a frequent statement we hear from couples in counseling. This communication pattern is very common. It usually looks something like this: [...]