What Happens in a Sex and Intimacy Coaching Session
Why do sex and intimacy coaching sessions seem intimidating?
Think about it…how often do we step into a space where talking about our deepest desires, secret fantasies, buried pain, and boundless potential is on the agenda? And, in somatic sex and intimacy coaching sessions, we don’t just talk about it, we embody it!
In this body-focused, experiential approach to exploring and experimenting with the intricacies and dynamics of relationships, you’re invited into the co-creation of an authentic connection with your coach. So many aspects of what alludes to or ails us in our intimate life are rooted in relationships. It makes sense that the remedy or opportunity for transformation also lies there.
We learn about ourselves through our relationships as readily as we learn about the other person. A secure, compassionate, open connection with your coach helps you understand what makes you tick. And you’re able to find out what you really need and want from your other connections.
Your coach empowers you to have mutually satisfying relationships with others.
What does a sex and intimacy coaching session look like?
At the intersection of a private workshop and a counseling session, sex coaching offers the opportunity to take a hands-on (and clothes-on) approach. You’ll cultivate more intimacy with yourself as a profound and essential baseline for sharing true intimacy with others.
One day in a coaching session might have you wrapped in a loving, nurturing embrace giving voice to the unmet needs of your inner child. The next day you might roll around and wrestle like wild animals. A session could be devoted to learning the art of flirtation and seduction. Another session could be experimenting with power dynamics.
We can discuss anything from how to rekindle that flame after kids to how to deepen orgasms. All topics are fair game, and our services are tailored to your relationship and needs. This means no two sex and intimacy coaching sessions are ever the same.
You might spend time narrating your most enticing fantasy or practicing giving different styles of touch.
What issues might a sex and intimacy coaching session address?
There are many factors that affect a couple’s sexual and emotional satisfaction in a relationship. As sex and intimacy coaches, we’ve worked with many different relationships and relationship issues. While this is not an exhaustive list, many couples might meet with a coach for one of the following reasons:
- Discomfort around sex talk, exploration, or fantasies
- Performance anxiety
- How to set healthy boundaries
- General anxiety about sex whether from a medical condition or personal fearfulness
- Differing sexual desires
- Unfulfilling sexual and other intimate experiences
- Issues with pornography and unrealistic expectations about sex
- One-sided intimacy or lack of affection
- Penetration phobia or painful sex
- Sexual trauma
- Misaligned expectations or assumptions about pregnancy or birth control
- Lack of emotional connection during intimacy
- General lack of intimacy
Beyond these, you or your partner might uncover a new goal or issue during one of our sex and intimacy coaching sessions. It’s important that each partner feels comfortable and willing to acknowledge the other’s issue without judgment.
The sexless marriage trope
You’ve probably heard it before—the joke about the frequency of sex during marriage plummeting to just once a year. Every relationship crisis film portrays a dysfunctional marriage falling apart. And what’s the last straw in the relationship? It’s a lack of intimacy.
Sex and intimacy coaches need to understand why couples may experience this decrease in sex and intimacy after marriage. After all, “Behind every joke, there is some truth.”
So why does it seem like sex is put on the back burner after marriage?
Here are a few reasons:
- “Loss of novelty or habituation” leading to lower expectations of sex
- Professional, family, and personal lives leave less time—and energy—for sex
- Physiological changes such as hormonal shifts or decreased libido
- Lack of intentional, quality time as a couple
- Poor communication and misunderstanding
- Lack of emotional intimacy and non-sexual affection
- Little to no effort due to familiarity
What does a sex coach do?
A sex coach (or intimacy coach) is not a therapist, and so their approach is different from a therapist who takes a psychological approach. A therapist would start by discussing your history. Sex coaches on the other hand help clients in a more practical way.
A sex coach’s role:
- They teach, train, guide, motivate, collaborate, inspire, monitor, validate, and listens to help their clients achieve their sexual, intimacy and relationship goals.
- They use their training in human sexuality to offer resources, techniques and tools tailored to each client.
- They conduct exercises with the client and may issue homework.
- Many sex coaches take a holistic approach. Some coaches are bodyworkers or somatic healers.
Generally speaking, sex coaches want you to feel sexually empowered.
During a sex and intimacy coaching session, there could be moments of disagreement or disconnect. These could be differing desires or communication that ends up triggering one of you. Rather than that rupturing the entire connection, your coach is committed to true repair with you. You’ll then have a model for that in all your relationships. All this and more await you!
Ultimately, your coach is there to be a secure anchor for you to relate with. They are someone who is genuinely committed to helping you get more of what you want out of life and relationships. They will give you candid constructive feedback and they will get your juices flowing. Because this is not just about giving you a novelty experience.
It’s about helping you to cultivate skills and confidence, through direct, embodied experience. This experience enables you to show up more fully in all of your relationships.
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Sex Coach Berkeley, CA
As a somatic sex and intimacy coach, I offer many pathways to reconnect with your erotic energy and identity, individually and in partnership. Sessions are experiential, relational and highly engaging, working with/through the body as well as the emotions in ways that mirror the intimate dynamics of your personal life. This work is designed to reinvigorate your experience of intimacy and help you craft a roadmap to satisfying, enduring pleasure and connection in your life. You can learn more about Darshana and her practice by clicking here.