Therapy is for everyone

This might seem biased, but therapy really is good for you. Therapy is no longer reserved for individuals who’ve suffered a traumatic event or had an especially difficult upbringing. Couples therapy is not limited to partners on the brink of divorce. There’s been a rise in people seeking therapy simply because it can improve your overall wellbeing, regardless of there being a significant factor that brought you in. Studies have shown us that therapy is beneficial for your relationship. Therefore, it might be a good idea to have regular sessions even if you don’t have large issues in your relationship. You could think of it as maintenance, a preventative measure that keeps the big problems at bay.

However, when it comes to therapy, not everyone is on board. Couples therapy can be trickier to get started because it requires not just one but two people willing to participate. It’s one thing to not feel the need to start therapy if your relationship is in a good place, but what if your connection is lacking or things don’t feel right between you? There are about a million reasons we could list as to why therapy is a good choice for any relationship. Instead, let’s focus on therapy for relationship issues. We’ll look at the bigger issues that often require external help to resolve. These are the ones where therapy can make a significant difference.

Reasons to seek therapy for your relationship issues

You’re stuck on the same argument

Different topic, same fight. Does it seem like you’re stuck in a cyclical pattern where the same theme is repeated again and again without resolution? A therapist can help you break free from that damaging pattern.

Trust has been broken.

This could be infidelity – emotional or physical. Or broken trust could be in the form of lying, perhaps about money. Whatever the case, when trust is broken your relationship requires mending.

You’re unhappy with the sex and intimacy

Whether it’s the frequency of sex, the level of intimacy, or you’re generally unsatisfied, a problem here disrupts other aspects of your relationship. This is a touchy subject for many, but a therapist can help you to open up and discuss what is lacking.

You feel like you’re growing apart

Maybe you feel like you don’t have much in common anymore, or you can’t understand your partner’s perspective. If you’re spending less time together or you feel like the passion has run out, therapy can help you build back your emotional connection.

You’re not communicating well

Maybe you are talking to one another but you don’t feel heard. Alternatively, you or your partner could be shutting down so you’re unable to discuss important things. Therapy can help you communicate more effectively and in a way that works best for you.  

You’ve gone through a big event that’s altered your relationship

Maybe you’ve suffered something terrible. If that’s the case, the event itself should be punishment enough, but unfortunately, it can take a toll on your relationship too. The loss of a child, a serious diagnosis, a death in the family, are certainly reasons why a relationship might be problematic. This is only normal. When dealing with such an unfortunate event, therapy may be the last thing on your mind, but it can bring you back to each other when you need it most.

Something feels “off”

Sometimes you can’t put your finger on what the problem is, but it seems like your dynamic has changed, and not for the better. You might find that you’re more resentful, less comfortable, or overly critical. Have you changed? Has your partner? Is this just a normal stage? Therapy is a way to identify what the problem is, so that it can be worked on.

How to talk to your partner about therapy

Saying angrily “we need therapy” while in an argument isn’t likely to be effective. Forcing or manipulating your partner into couples therapy is not going to be successful either. Breaching the subject of couples therapy with your partner isn’t easy, but it’s all about how it’s proposed. Think of it as an invitation to therapy, While you are trying to convince them to join you, it shouldn’t be forceful.

Getting your partner on board with therapy for your relationship problems – Tips

Plan it out.

Write down your reasons for wanting to start therapy. Include what you’d like to see change. Remember to include what is positive about your relationship and avoid change.

Connect with your partner emotionally.

Before starting the conversation spend time together doing something you both enjoy. An activity that’s light such as cooking dinner or watching a show together is great.

Time it out

The timing of when you bring up the idea of couples counseling is important. You don’t want them to feel ambushed. And you don’t want to propose it at a time when they’re already stressed or tired.

Focus on your goal 

Always go back to what you want to get out of therapy. This is what it’s all about. Why is this goal important to you? What does your relationship need? Keep revisiting this with your partner, instead of focusing on what the problem is. Instead of saying “we just can’t talk to each other and I’m tired of it”, say “I really want to feel closer to you and know that we can talk about everything openly and feel closer to each other. I really care about our relationship and want to invest in it”. 

Ask your partner questions to find out their goal.  What would they like to improve in the relationship? What would make therapy worth it for them? What do you think will be the cost if we don’t improve our relationship? Help your partner see the motivation to attend therapy. 

Take the next step

The truth is many people feel embarrassed about the idea of getting therapy for relationship issues. Lots of partners feel a sense of shame when considering a therapist because they feel like seeking outside help means they have failed. Know that you’re not alone in feeling this way, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Choosing to go to therapy means that you value your relationship. Seeking therapy for your relationship problems shows that you believe in your relationship and it’s worth the energy to make it better.

The Couples Center offers both in-person counseling and online therapy sessions for couples in California, as well as workshops. With over 40 diverse therapists to choose from, you can find the right therapist for your unique relationship who can guide you and your partner to a healing, long-lasting relationship.