The Physical

On the most basic level, the experience of sex is a primal and physical one that relates to arousal and sexual pleasure. Difficulty allowing or tolerating these experiences can stand as an obstacle to sexual enjoyment. In this sense, men are often (though not always) focused more on reaching orgasm—the end result—than on the gradual enjoyment of sexual arousal and pleasure. Unfortunately, this can mean missing out on feeling physically connected to your partner.

In much the same way, women often feel unable to “let go” and truly experience the sensations of pleasure. This inhibition often leads to a lack of exploration or sexual connectedness. By learning to let go and relax into the physical sensations and pleasure that sex allows, partners can open themselves to more rewarding and satisfying experiences.

The Interpersonal

Because sex is also an intimate communication between two partners, sex can be an expression of the relationship itself—so it’s necessary to look at anything that could be interrupting your intimacy. Many sexual problems are actually relationship problems; when we experience emotional distance, it often shows up as physical distance.

Resolving your issues and building trust and safety are the biggest contributors to healthy sex life. For women, feeling secure, admired, and emotionally connected to their partner is paramount to feeling comfortable in the bedroom. Men also need to feel desired by their partner. Improve your interpersonal dynamics, and you’ll improve your sex life.

The Personal

This level is crucial to your comfort level with yourself and your body and, therefore, your approach to sexual intimacy. When we’re emotionally open and present in the moment, our enjoyment increases and intimacy deepens.

It’s important to explore your personal beliefs and attitudes toward sex. Some people feel very comfortable with the idea of sexuality and sexual desire, while others feel hesitation or shame. Some people feel comfortable sharing their sexual needs and desires with their partner, while others find it difficult to talk about sex.

Our feelings and attitudes towards sex and communication can act as a barrier to our sexual fulfillment and enjoyment. So, working on your personal issues will help improve your sex life.

Addressing all three levels, either on your own or with the help of a couples therapist, will go a long way toward enhancing your sex life. Focusing on adventure and spicing things up is certainly one way of livening things up in the bedroom, but attention to these other elements will improve your sex life holistically, over the long run.