Couples therapy for sex and intimacy

Couples Counseling for

Sex & Intimacy

“Sex is great before you get married. Once you do, it’s not the same.”

“We’ve been together for so long, our marriage feels more like a friendship than a passionate partnership.”

Sound familiar? If you’ve experienced this in your own relationship, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to resign yourselves to a lifetime of unsatisfying sex and intimacy.

It’s true…

Many long-term couples experience a decline in their sexuality after a while, or feel that it’s just not exciting as it used to be. Others struggle to negotiate different levels of desire, where one partner is more interested than the other. The sensitivities many of us have around sex can even become the focus of our fights. It’s easy to feel discouraged and fall into a rut.

Here’s an important secret: You can have a hot, passionate relationship with your partner in a long-term marriage. Not only is it absolutely possible, it can get even better over time, as you learn to know each other more intimately and feel safe to explore the different sides of your sexuality. Imagine how that would feel!

Want to rekindle your relationship? Follow these TIPS


Talk about sex! Many people think that talking about sex takes the mystery out of it. Some just feel uncomfortable with it—and our culture certainly isn’t very good at supporting healthy sexual awareness. But talking openly and honestly about your sexual fantasies, needs, and desires with a receptive partner will boost passion while deepening intimacy.


Check the pulse of your relationship. Unresolved issues between partners can tank sexual desire and lead to boredom, resentment, affairs, or breakup. Regular communication lets you address problems together and build the safety you need to enjoy sex. Be sure to tie up loose ends that could be affecting your ability to get close.


Learn to bring romance into your life every day. This is especially important for men! Great sex starts long before the foreplay. Take steps to let your partner know you’re there for them, that they’re desired and important to you. This will boost your sense of connectedness and bolster the creativity that drives passion.


Make sure you both initiate sex. If one partner tends to be the initiator, they may start to feel bored by the role—or insecure if they’re continually turned down. So mix it up a little! This is very important for women, since many times it’s the man who has a higher sex drive. But it works both ways. This doesn’t need to be a tit-for-tat proposition, but it’s critical for bringing balance and spontaneity into your sex life.

It needs to work for YOU

While these tips are a great start, every couple is different—and talking about sex in couples therapy can help you improve your intimate connection right away. Our couples therapists in San Francisco, Berkeley, and Palo Alto will start by understanding your goals and aspirations, and then help you identify what you can do as a couple to have a fulfilling, incredibly sexy relationship.


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