What Does it Mean to be Emotionally Stagnant?

Think of a stagnant body of water. It has no current or flow. When we humans are stagnant, we too are unmoving.

Emotional stagnation is an emotional state characterized by a feeling of immobility, lack of progress, and the perception that nothing seems to change, both internally and externally. To be emotionally stagnant means emotions don’t evolve or advance leading to a sense of inactivity, with the potential to cause unhappiness, even depression.

How Does Emotional Stagnation Happen?

Emotional stagnation happens over time. Trapped or stagnant emotions are emotions that were never fully released when they first occurred. We can trap our own unprocessed emotions, often without realizing it. Understanding the potential causes of emotional stagnation is crucial for managing it effectively.

Causes of emotional stagnation:

Repression of Emotions

Emotional stagnation can occur if one avoids or denies uncomfortable feelings, such as anger, sadness, or vulnerability. Over time, the repression can lead to emotional numbness or detachment.

Fear of Conflict

Some people tend to view conflict only as a negative, damaging thing for their relationship. Therefore, they avoid disagreements at all costs, even though this behavior can prevent resolution and create emotional distance. Running from conflict means missing out on opportunities to release and process feelings.

Traumatic Past Experiences

Traumatic experiences, even those from long ago, can cause emotions to stay trapped inside you. Abuse, physical or emotional, can leave a deep wound. These unresolved emotional wounds can block emotional healing and growth, leading to emotional stagnation.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem, as well as excessive self-criticism, can be significant barriers to emotional growth. When a person does not value themselves or is constantly judging themselves in a negative way, they are likely to feel stagnant. They feel unequipped to progress because they lack motivation.

Signs You’re Stuck in Stagnation

Feeling Flat

You don’t experience highs or lows. It’s as if you’re disconnected from your emotions. The best way to describe how you feel is numb or flat.

Seeking Distractions

You are constantly turning to TV, social media, food, work, or alcohol to avoid feeling. Quiet moments feel uncomfortable, so you fill them.

Less Joy and Passion

You don’t laugh much. You’re no longer interested in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy.

Stuck in the Past

You’re not setting goals or thinking about making changes. Instead, you replay old memories or regrets without resolution. Because of that, you feel like you can’t move forward emotionally.

Possible Effects of Emotional Stagnation

Breakdown of Communication

You’re talking, but you’re not connecting. Conversations are surface level – logistics, household duties. You skirt around difficult topics so nothing is resolved.

Damages Mental Health

Feeling stuck in a stagnant relationship can lead to anxiety, depression or low-self worth.

Loneliness

Your sitting next to each other but you miss your partner, and how you used to be. You feel emotionally alone, even when physically present because there isn’t conenction.

Unresolved Conflicts

Your stuck in a repeating pattern where the same arguments resurface, without progress. You can’t move past old conflicts. Resentment may build.

How Does Emotional Stagnation Impact Relationships?

In terms of relationships, emotional stagnation develops when emotional connection isn’t actively maintained or when individual emotional growth stalls. Over time, emotional stagnation can quietly erode intimacy, communication, and mutual fulfillment.

Emotional stagnation can result in you feeling lonely, despite being in a relationship. In fact, you may feel especially lonely when with your partner. When emotional stagnation exists in a relationship, it stalls the connection between partners. It can feel as though you’ve hit a wall, where emotional growth has stopped altogether.

How Emotional Stagnation Manifests in a Relationship

It Feels Routine: There might not be conflict, but there might also be a lack of passion, excitement, or vitality. Interactions with your partner feel empty, even mechanical.

Staleness: You’re not talking about goals or dreams. You and your partner aren’t sharing new experiences.

Avoidance: You or your partner is side-stepping in order to avoid difficult conversations and uncomfortable feelings. Because of that, you’re relationship stays at a standstill.

Example of a Couple Impacted by Emotional Stagnation

John and Nora have been in a committed relationship for 5 years. In the beginning, their relationship was full of passion, excitement, communication, and connection. But over time things changed. They no longer had meaningful conversations. They stopped sharing their feelings with one another. They had circular arguments about the same topics. Nothing was getting resolved.

Now, in an attempt to stop fighting, they avoid hard saying or doing things that could cause conflict. Therefore, there’s a significant lack of vulnerability They still spend time together, but neither of them feel connected. It feels like they are just going through the motions.

Overcoming Emotional Stagnation

Talk About It All

Open, honest dialogue (even when it’s uncomfortable), is the key to connection. Have regular, honest conversations– not only about problems, but about feelings, hopes, and fears. When your partner shares, try to listen without judgment. Validate their feelings and ask follow up questions to better understand where their coming from.

Acknowledge the stagnation. Tell your partner how you’ve been feeling. “Lately I’ve been feeling like we’re going through the motions.” Or “It’s been feeling more like we’re roomates.” “I miss feeling connected to you.” Notice how there isn’t any blame in these statements. You’re not trying to start conflict. You’re trying to connect with your partner, and work together for change.

Make Time to be Vulnerable

Make it a point to spend quality time with your partner, engaging in meaningful conversations that foster a deeper connection. Try to have deeper conversations by opening up about things that feel risky or even scary. Use “I” statements to share what’s been on your mind and impacting your heart. Share a fear or an insecurity you’ve never voiced before. This builds trust.

Reignite Shared Goals or Dreams

Together, come up with small, tangible goals you can work towards as a team. You can revisit the past and ask, “What did we dream about when we first got together?” This can help you remember shared values and energize you to make plans for now. Ask, “What kind of life do we want to create in the next few years?” Then break that down into more specifics. Come up with a lifestyle goal, financial, creative, or travel. Create a short term goal that you can get started on right away. It could be something fun like learning to dance. Take the first step and sign up for your first lesson now!

Work On Yourself

Emotional stagnation in the relationship can stem from one person experiencing it. You can start by making room for your emotions. You can remove stress and anxiety and allow space to process your feelings through exercise, yoga, journaling, or meditation. Work to feel more in tune with your body and identify where you tend to store negative emotions through a full-body scan.

Revisit The Past

Sometimes you can forget what brought you and your partner together in the first place. Reminisce with your partner about good memories. Bring up impactful conversations or things your partner has said. Simply remembering the early days of your relationship can be a wonderful way to rekindle the spark and strengthen your bond. It allows you to reconnect with the feelings and experiences that initially bonded you and reminds you of the love and connection you share.

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can help you and your partner break through barriers. An experienced therapist can provide you with tools to break free from stale patterns. Your therapist can teach effective communication skills, such as active listening and empathy. Skills like these are critical for overcoming communication breakdowns, which often lead to relationship staleness.