While it may seem that your ambivalence is about your partner’s qualities or behaviors, it is ultimately about you.

It is painful to wrestle with the ambivalence of being caught between the “yes” and the “no.” In some moments, the answer feels so clear; you cannot live without your partner. And in other moments, you feel a nagging doubt in your body, your partner’s flaws seem overwhelming, you know there is something better for you. Even worse, in some cases you might feel these diametric emotions at the exact same time.

Our feelings toward our partners fluctuate—that is natural and normal, and you can expect it—but outside of a certain range, emotional fluctuations can feel more troubling. There is no one-size-fits-all answer for sorting through ambivalence, handy as that would be; but I hope to offer some context for your experience to support you in feeling your way into your truth.