With on-going development and nourishment of the four elements of romantic relationships-- safety, love, shared interests and mutuality--we can keep our relationship feeling fresh, engaging and satisfying. At times, many of us feel that something is missing in our relationship. On some level, we al
Here are five habits that are easy to integrate into your daily life, and will quickly enhance good feelings all around while tempering the challenging ones. Often when we enter the New Year we take time to review where we’ve been, assess where we want to go, and set intentions around those thing
Not being your authentic self in relationship can occur in a variety of ways. Maintaining our individuality while in intimate romantic relationships is an important aspect of developing a healthy and sustainable relational dynamic. Most people want to be in a relationship where they feel a deep sen
More than ever, we need to be intimate with each other; tender, caring, and communicative. During the last few weeks, every person I saw in the Bay Area was clearly impacted in some way by the changes in our political climate. As a couples therapist, I witness the impact of this on people’s intima
Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening. ~Emma Thompson Do you and your partner fight before a family event? Is there one family member who just sets you off? Family gatherings are stressful; juggling hopes for a good time
Here is the basic idea behind Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples: underneath your fights with your partner there is a desire to feel secure in your love. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples is a popular approach to couples therapy that has been validated in research. EFT he
Why is every day ending in a fight? Why does it always feel like I’m walking on eggshells? Why am I becoming distant in my relationship when I want to feel closer? If you're asking any of these questions, you can bet you've entered The Attack-Withdraw Vortex, a snappy name for the three toxic p
All 5 Love Languages communicate the exact same thing: “I love you. I care about you. You matter to me.” Here are The 5 Love Languages Physical touch Quality time Words of affirmation Acts of service Gifts Turns out there are more languages than English, Spanish, Mandarin, etc. T
We usually think that couples break up when they have too much conflict. But being 'conflict-avoidant' could be just as damaging. If you’re not fighting with your partner you might be in trouble. Most people think that not fighting is a good thing. After all, who actually wants to have conflict
With an endless variety of potential 'perfect fits,' how do we know when to stop? We live in a very stimulating era—everything seems to be immediate, instantaneous, and accessible. Whatever we desire is out there and within our reach, as long as we have a few seconds and a Wi-Fi connection. If we
It is such an important need to see and be seen. “To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.” —Anonymous I’ve often heard the words “I miss you” or “I can't wait to see you” when I travel. Who hasn’t witnessed those iconic hellos and goodby
When we are vulnerable with each other, our emotional load lightens. When we step back and take a deeper look at what we are seeking in intimate partnership, many of us find a desire for acceptance, support, and connection. Yet many couples get stuck in painful cycles with each other, experiencing
It can be tempting to think that your partner should accept you without any help. In my previous article, we looked at what acceptance is and how to give it. Now we look at how you can help a partner become more accepting. It can be tempting to think that your partner should accept you without any
“When you change the way you see things, the things you see change.” —Anonymous One of the most common sources of miscommunication and tension in relationships is a transactional mindset. This can look like “I do more than you,” “I earn more than you,” “My work is more stressful
I felt playful, relaxed, and sexy. My partner was thrilled that I was there to join him in the dance that celebrated our union. As a couples therapist, I spend a great deal of time sitting and talking with my clients. Many couples are desperate to reconnect with each other, yet their focus often ge
True acceptance is always done in a way that maintains your integrity. The desire for acceptance—and the lack thereof—is a prevalent theme in relationships. It can appear in an angry “Just accept it!” It can sound pleading, as in “Why won’t you just accept me the way I am?” There
Our relationships are based on the success of many small everyday bids and responses. In my previous articles, we began exploring the essential step in the dance of love: “turning toward” (i.e., turning your attention to what your partner is experiencing). Now I invite you to consider the cycle
We’re all here to grow and learn through our relationships. Living from love is the basis for many spiritual traditions. Relationships can serve as a spiritual practice and a vehicle for living more consciously, with more awareness of our actions (and how they affect others). More than just your
Having curiosity and openness allows you to see what’s really going on for your partner. In my previous article, I introduced the key step that masters of “the dance” of loving relationship sum up as turning toward. In part two of this series, l invite you to consider what this might look lik
This is the perfect time to work on being your best self in your relationship. Are you and your partner experiencing fertility issues? You’re not alone. Nearly one in six U.S. couples has trouble conceiving. As a marriage counselor, I often work with people struggling with fertility and, unfortun
By turning your attention to the other’s experience, love happens. “How to love?” This ambitious question has been asked as far back in history as our collective beating hearts began. The experience of love, of course, defies description and is so profound that our greatest philosophers and s
She needs to know your affection doesn't always have an agenda. Guys, you know how in the beginning of a relationship, there's a magical feeling between you and your lady? You feel close to each other, and passion is always in the air. She's really into you, too—and ordinary interaction easily be
The benefits of being erotic…allow for a deeper and more meaningful experience all around. If you Google “sex,” you’ll get a range of pages aimed at improving your sex life through the use of vitamins, exercises, better techniques, and tips on how to make the experience more pleasurable. Yo
You don't have to sit on a cushion for 10 days to learn to be mindful. I first heard about meditation when I was 23 and traveling in India. As someone who had been interested in personal growth since my teen years (trying to understand my relationship drama, of course), I was fascinated with the id
Improving your sex life means focusing on more than just the physical. Has your sex life dwindled from a hot, steamy affair to a lukewarm, occasional romp in the bedroom? You’re not alone; many couples worry that their relationship is losing its original flair when the physical fun begins to simm
What can the scientists working in the lab teach us about love? In recent years, we've seen more and more research on the intersection of neurobiology and psychology, explaining the connection between our brain, nervous system, and emotional world. Of the vast amount of information out there, the
