With dating, you’re concerned with the present, but when in a relationship, you look towards the future. “Dating” and “in a relationship” are terms used interchangeably sometimes, despite there being a clear line between the two. 

Navigating the Nuances of Romantic Connections

Throughout your life you’ll experience many different kinds of relationships from family bonds to friendships to romantic partnerships. With each relationship comes a different set of expectations, benefits, and challenges. Romantic connections are no different. In addition to casual dating, exclusive dating, and a committed relationship, there are other types of romantic connections.

Long-term Relationship

A long term relationship is an umbrella that could may or may not include marriage. It is any relationship with sustained long-term commitment. 

Marriage

A marriage will have the features of a long-term relationship – shared goals, routines, and emotional security, but with the added peice of a formal and legal commitment. Marriage typically includes shared finances, living arrangements, and long-term planning. 

Situationship

A situationship is a term for a romantic connection that lacks commitment. Situtationships can be quite ambiguous. A situationship can be found on the spectrum somewhere between a “friends with benefits” situation and a committed relationship. A situtationship tends to be circumstantial, convenient, short-ter, and nonmonogamous

Open Relationship

In an open relationship there is a primary romantic partnership with the mutual agreement to see other people. It is an umbrella term for having sex or romantic connections outside of your primary relationship. Despite the openness to be with others, there is a strong emotional comittment to each other (primary partners). 

Polyamorous Relationship

Another type of romantic connection is a polyamorous relationship. In this relationship there is consensual romantic relationships with multiple partners. Often referred to a consensual non-monogmay, it is CNM is an umbrella term for relationships in which all partners give consent to engage in romantic, intimate, and/or sexual relationships with multiple people.This is different from cheating, where there is secrecy and betrayal.

Monogamous Relationship

The opposite of a polyamourous relationship is a monogamous one where partners are in a relationship with one other person only, in whatever various form that may be.

Codependent Relationship 

A codependent relationship is an unhealthy type of relationship characterizied by a strong reliance on the other person for emotional needs. Codependency prevents a real connection and limits both people from being able to function on their own, outside of the relationship.

Defining the Terms: Laying the Foundation

So what does it mean to be in a committed relationship? Overall, a committed relationship is characterized by deeper emotional intimacy. A relationship will typically include things like:

• Clear, mutual exclusivity, aka committing to romantic/sexual monogamy or agreed upon open relationships terms 
• More detailed and personal communication
• Increased expectations
• Prioritizing your partner
• Emotional investment and vulnerability
• Accountability to each other’s feelings and needs
• Shared expectations around boundaries, time, and priorities
• Future-oriented thinking (planning, goals, integration of lives)
• Conflict is addressed instead of avoided

The Dating Phase: Exploration and Discovery

Dating comes before a relationship. It is the process of getting to know someone. This is the observation and learning stage. There are so many questions to be answered.  

So what happens during this phase? Through dating, you can assess compatibility as well as physical and emotional attraction. Time together is focused around discovering who this other person is and how they show up for you. How are they with communication? How are they when it comes to showing interest, curiosity, and follow-through? Are they able to express their feelings, or do they shut down, or love-bomb? Is there chemistry between you? 

While analyzing the other person and asking them questions, you’re also turning inward and asking yourself questions, like “Do I want to build something with this person?” How do you feel around this person – do they give you that butterfly feeling? There is a tricky balance between staying vigilant to spot red flags and letting your feelings guide you. 

After discussing initial topics like background, hobbies, and interests, you can progress to sharing your values. This is an important stage where you can better gauge whether you are aligned on the big things. When still in the dating phase, any future plans take place in the near future, i.e., next week, and are low-stakes, i.e., another date. It’s a play it by ear mentality. 

Exclusive vs Casual Dating 

After distinguishing between dating and being in a relationship, you further separate the different types of dating. 

Casual dating is dating without expectations or commitment. With casual dating, there is no long-term intent. It is very “go with the flow”. 

Exclusive dating, on the other hand, involves a mutual agreement to date just each other and see where that goes. The goal is to see if you have the right ingredients to make a relationship. With exclusive dating, there is some development of intimacy, though you’re still in the testing phase. There may be some discussion of the future as you get to know each other. 

The biggest difference between these two types of dating is whether there is an agreement to date only each other (exclusive).

Transitioning to a Relationship: The Evolution of Commitment

The purpose of a relationship is to intentionally build something together in the long term. Sometimes the journey to a committed relationship is longer. It may have started off as casual dating, moved to exclusive, and ended up as a long-term relationship. 

Though the process is often a natural progression, it’s not without intention. To get to the relationship phase you must have open communication about where your connection is going. Relationships require effort and don’t happen by accident. 

Attraction and chemistry is undoubtedly important, but you also need true compatibility in order to move into a successful relationship. 

How to Take The Next Step

First, figure out what it is you want – exclusivity, a defined relationship, or clarity either way. After that, it’s time to have an open conversation with the other person. Before you can have a productive conversation about next steps, you’ll want to plan out the best time to have such an important talk. 

You’ll want to regulate your emotions, and part of that is reminding yourself that this is about honoring yourself, not getting the answer you want. You want to be in a relationship with someone who wants that too, and is ready for all that entails. 

This should be an in-person conversation, during a time when you’re both relaxed. Allow for enough time so that the conversation doesn’t have to be rushed. Lead with openness, instead of pressure. Use “I” statements to discuss how you feel. For example, 

“I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I feel myself wanting something more. I wanted to check in about what you are wanting and see whether we’re on the same page.”

After you’ve said your piece, the next part is crucial: listen. Listen fully without interrupting. Pay attention to clarity vs. vagueness. Now, you can interpret what they’ve said. 

Green light = Clear yes with a willingness to define things
Yellow light = They say, “I’m not sure but I don’t want to lose you”, giving undefined timelines, or avoiding labels while wanting some commitment
Red light = Deflection, minimizing what you need, or asking for relationship benefits without commitment

After you’ve thought honestly about their response, you can decide how to proceed in a way that honors your needs, either – stay, slow down, or step away.

Signs you’re ready to move from dating to a relationship:

• There is regular, reliable communication
• Both partners follow-through on plans
• Respect for boundaries is present 

Signs you’re not ready to transition:

• There is avoidance around conversations about taking the next step
• One-sided effort
• Fear of vulnerability or loss of independence
• Getting stuck in the “not quite a relationship” stage for too long
  

The transition from dating to a committed relationship should happen when (and only when) both people intentionally choose consistency, clarity, and commitment over ambiguity.

Key Distinguishing Factors

Put plainly, dating and relationships ask significantly different questions. Dating asks “Do I like you?” while a relationship asks “How do we move forward together?” 

Dating is exploratory and low-commitment, with a focus on getting to know each other and determining compatibility. A relationship involves mutual commitment, emotional investment, consistency, and clarity about exclusivity, expectations, and the future.

“Just Talking”: What Does that Mean?

Here in the US you might hear someone (espeically a younger person) say that they are “just talking” with another person. Talking is another distinction separate from dating or being in a relationship. Talking is about interest and attention, rather than intention. When you’re “just talking” you are not looking for commitment. It can look like Messaging, flirting, FaceTiming, or hanging out casually.