Ideally, a good, productive argument leaves both parties feeling more understood and closer.

If you’re in a relationship and you have a pulse, you’re going to have disagreements with your partner. It’s inevitable. And, in my opinion, it is perfectly healthy to disagree, and even argue, with your partner as long as it is productive and safe. It isn’t helpful to have arguments that end in name-calling or saying things you regret later on.

When I work with couples, I emphasize that arguing in and of itself is not bad. Ideally, a good, productive argument leaves both parties feeling more understood and closer. So, how do we ensure that our disagreements with our partners don’t end up with doors slammed and curses exchanged? How do we do our best to make sure our disagreements end up with both people feeling closer and understood?