Our emotions are a result of our interpretations of a situation, not the situation itself.

Jack and Betty come to their second couples counseling session obviously tense. “So what happened?” I ask. Jack sighs and Betty says, “You were so mean to me last night! You were angry and raised your voice and told me you didn’t want to talk to me.” “What?” says Jack, surprised. “I was just busy. I tried to tell you I can’t do our vacation planning right now because I have to finish something for work. I even remember being calm about it. But then you got really upset and yelled at me!” Have you and your partner had a similar experience? Do each of you remember a situation quite differently and then argue about who’s right or wrong? Once you get sucked down that rabbit hole, you’re not even talking about the issue itself anymore—you’re just trying to prove whose version of what happened is the right one. How do you fix the relationship?